The Legend Of Ron Mexico

Since I will not be able to visit any clubs this weekend I'll start you with a story from the Ron Mexico files.....

Before coming to Tampa I had been to a bunch of clubs and had fun drinking and looking at the girls, then I came to Tampa and had the distinct pleasure of going to clubs with Ron Mexico. Gentleman's Clubs, Strip Clubs, Bikini Bars whatever you want to call them will never be the same again...

It was Thanksgiving one year and Ron Mexico was supposed to head home for the weekend but something happened with his standby flight and he ended up flying all over the east coast for 16 hours and ending up back at Tampa International Airport. With all his friends out of town for the holiday he was left with nothing to do but go to Odyssey 2001 and take rides in the space ship.

Back in town the following weekend Ron Mexico regaled me with stories of how much fun he had going to 2001 over Thanksgiving, beautiful women.... beautiful women.... and more beautiful women. Clearly this could mean only one thing, we had to go so I could enjoy the much heralded Odyssey 2001! So after a night filled with partying at several bars in Tampa we made our way to the club where the bouncer greeted us with a knowing smile toward Ron Mexico and then checked my I.D. After paying our cover the greeter told him how nice it was to see him again.... "Ron Mexico great to see you again wait here" then there was an announcement for one of the dancers, we will call her "candy" (can't remember her real stage name), to come to the front. "O.K. Ron you ready to go to the spaceship with Candy"

It was at that moment that I realized everything Ron Mexico had told me not only about that night but all his other nights was probably true. He didn't go to the spaceship that night and Candy certainly was disappointed her billfold would be $200 lighter after all, but it was clear he not only had been up there but also knew every dancer in that club as they strolled by calling him by name. I wasn't sure which impressed me more, that these girls could all remember his name or that he remembered all their names.

2001 Was fun, but that would only be a prelude of what was to come.... Adventures with Ron Mexico would soon become a regular occurrence where truth was stranger than fiction.

A little too harsh on Envy

So I may have been a little harsh on Envy with my post yesterday. In all fairness I have been there before and had a good time. The bartenders were always nice, and occassionally if it is slow there will be shot specials. The other plus is the Pappa Johns a couple doors down which has great pizza, have ordered pie's over to Envy since they don't serve food.
The girls have never been amazing but usually they will not be annoying about asking for lap dances. Even at it's slowest I had never seen the place with just one girl. So I guess for a dive strip club it's not too bad. Another plus is they do have several T.V.'s around the bar so it can be a good place to watch a game if you dont want your girl bothering you. I'll be looking to make another "Envy Run" soon, hoping for a better taste in my mouth next time.

-Vince Money

Club Envy..... Sponsored by the number 1!!

Walking into Club Envy you can see that it is your typical Tampa strip club. Dark, dingy, loud, and has a pole..... Not that there is anything wrong with that, in fact most nights I would be happy to sit at a bar talk about how the Bucs might even screw up getting the first pick in the draft. However if I am going to be paying $6 for a Corona and breathe in smoke filled air, I better be able to see some titties. When I say "some" titties I am not talking about 2 either, I'd like to see a good array of women walking by me, dancing, and looking hot. But like I said Club Envy was sponsored by the Number 1 that night.... 1 Female entertainer. Sure you might be thinking we stopped in at noon on a Tuesday, NOPE Saturday night from 8-9PM there was one girl. She wasn't unattractive, but she sure wasn't a 10 either.
Needless to say I was completely underwhelmed by the experience which was capped off by my co-horts being so drunk they couldn't pay the tab, so that 1 beer cost me about $80 because they all decided to do shots! Obviously that isn't the fault of Club Envy but it didn't help my night either, since I wouldn't have minded seeing the tab..... 4 Corona's and then whatever shots the other fools were buying for the bartender and I'm out $80.
The flip side is the only thing that would have made the night worthwhile would have been the Bartender getting on stage! It could have been the lack of girls to compare her to but at that time she was looking good. In hindsight I probably should have asked her to get on the stage and earn the tip I was going to give her. Yes I was going to give her just the tip!!
With just one entertainer you might think that I wouldn't get a good idea of how the lap dances were. You would be wrong because all 3 of my friends decided they needed to check out the back room, which is really not a back room but an area with opaque shades that you can see through not exactly the most private place in the world. And there is nothing worse than seeing a drunken friend falling asleep while getting a lap dance, made me want to go in there punch him in the gut so he could at least enjoy the dance. I didn't make my way back there, something about getting sloppy 4ths from the dancer that spent the last 45 minutes grinding on my friends... just wasn't worth it. In the interest of journalism I did ask the guys how her dances were and they all agreed it was very average.
Upon leaving there was no front door person/bouncer to order us a taxi but we were able to call and get one to pick us up in about 15 minutes. I would have thought being on Kennedy it would be easy to get a cab but that wasn't the case.
Bottom line I can't even give this place a grade. Maybe it wasn't any one's fault, did all the girls have swine flu and they didn't want us to get it? If that's the case I should be commending them. So take what you will from the above rant, I'm hoping the next time Vince Money steps into Club Envy things go a little better. I mean if there are two girls there next time it would be twice as good!!!