Club Envy..... Sponsored by the number 1!!

Walking into Club Envy you can see that it is your typical Tampa strip club. Dark, dingy, loud, and has a pole..... Not that there is anything wrong with that, in fact most nights I would be happy to sit at a bar talk about how the Bucs might even screw up getting the first pick in the draft. However if I am going to be paying $6 for a Corona and breathe in smoke filled air, I better be able to see some titties. When I say "some" titties I am not talking about 2 either, I'd like to see a good array of women walking by me, dancing, and looking hot. But like I said Club Envy was sponsored by the Number 1 that night.... 1 Female entertainer. Sure you might be thinking we stopped in at noon on a Tuesday, NOPE Saturday night from 8-9PM there was one girl. She wasn't unattractive, but she sure wasn't a 10 either.
Needless to say I was completely underwhelmed by the experience which was capped off by my co-horts being so drunk they couldn't pay the tab, so that 1 beer cost me about $80 because they all decided to do shots! Obviously that isn't the fault of Club Envy but it didn't help my night either, since I wouldn't have minded seeing the tab..... 4 Corona's and then whatever shots the other fools were buying for the bartender and I'm out $80.
The flip side is the only thing that would have made the night worthwhile would have been the Bartender getting on stage! It could have been the lack of girls to compare her to but at that time she was looking good. In hindsight I probably should have asked her to get on the stage and earn the tip I was going to give her. Yes I was going to give her just the tip!!
With just one entertainer you might think that I wouldn't get a good idea of how the lap dances were. You would be wrong because all 3 of my friends decided they needed to check out the back room, which is really not a back room but an area with opaque shades that you can see through not exactly the most private place in the world. And there is nothing worse than seeing a drunken friend falling asleep while getting a lap dance, made me want to go in there punch him in the gut so he could at least enjoy the dance. I didn't make my way back there, something about getting sloppy 4ths from the dancer that spent the last 45 minutes grinding on my friends... just wasn't worth it. In the interest of journalism I did ask the guys how her dances were and they all agreed it was very average.
Upon leaving there was no front door person/bouncer to order us a taxi but we were able to call and get one to pick us up in about 15 minutes. I would have thought being on Kennedy it would be easy to get a cab but that wasn't the case.
Bottom line I can't even give this place a grade. Maybe it wasn't any one's fault, did all the girls have swine flu and they didn't want us to get it? If that's the case I should be commending them. So take what you will from the above rant, I'm hoping the next time Vince Money steps into Club Envy things go a little better. I mean if there are two girls there next time it would be twice as good!!!